Who Can Help With Grief?
Losing a loved one can be devastating but finding help through the grieving process can make all the difference in reclaiming a positive outlook on life. For residents of Bay and surrounding counties, compassionate and understanding help exists at the Pearl Lamonica Grief Center, formerly the Grief and Loss Center of Bay County.
Quinta Scarfo, a past board president, current board member and retired Bay County high school teacher knows firsthand how difficult processing through one’s grief can be. She became a widow at age 28. Since then as a volunteer she has helped many people learn to deal with their feelings of grief and loss.
“All the volunteer grief specialists and facilitators at the center have undergone extensive training. All volunteers have personally dealt with grief and loss and have come through it,” she said. “They are dedicated to helping others on their grief journey by providing sympathetic, nonjudgmental support through counseling, by telephone, in person, in a group setting or individually.”
“All conversations are held in confidence,” Scarfo said. “Any time we lose a significant other, place or thing, we grieve those losses. If it is a core person, someone especially close to us, it takes longer.”
“All services are free to anyone who needs them with no time limits,” she said. “Besides several weekly support groups, the center hosts several social activities such as weekly potluck dinners, game nights, outings and other special events that participants may or may not get involved with. There are no required commitments to participate,” she said.
“We try to listen more than talk and we don’t give advice,” Scarfo said. “Everyone grieves differently. Some take longer than others, but we all experience similar feelings of denial, anger and loss. We just try to encourage them to share their stories.”
And there are many stories.
Linda Burman, the current board president, remembers when she walked into her first grief support group 15 years ago after her husband died suddenly of a massive heart attack. She sought help from the group several months after receiving a letter inviting her to a meeting. She said it was too soon after her husband’s death when she first received the invitation. She just wasn’t ready so she put the letter aside.
“Finally when I was feeling desperate, lonely and it was the end of the world, I searched for that letter because I knew I needed help,” Burman said. “I was here (in Panama City) all alone, my children were abroad and my family was in Pennsylvania. I needed help because I had no support.”
She remembers entering the door that first time. “What a beautiful feeling when I walked in and everyone greeted me at the door,” Burman said. “Quinta took my hand and let me know I was not alone.”
That experience and the support she received led Burman to become a volunteer and she has continued serving ever since. “After this and seeing how it worked, my heart went right out to them and made me want to help, to pay it forward,” she said. “I got everything I needed here, our common bond being the loss of a loved one. All I know is it saved me.”
Time to grieve, time to heal.
“There are no time limits,” Scarfo said. “The important thing to note is that you need to feel it to heal it. For some people that is just too difficult to manage.”
“Men and women tend to experience grief and loss in different ways. The way they deal with their feelings also differs,” Scarfo said. That’s why there are male and female grief facilitators available at each meeting. They are often needed to provide one-on-one counseling.
Harold Dybdal, Sr. knows personally what that means. He lost his wife of 36 years in 2005. It took him a while before he sought help with his grief, he said. “I was a lost soul without her around,” he said. “I had been referred by several people to the support group but it took me a while before I had enough courage to attend a meeting.”
It didn’t take him long before he was sharing with others who had been through similar situations. “I started feeling better by being around others who shared their losses,” Dybdal said. “Men relate to men better. They can talk to another man and share their true feelings so much easier with another man. A man might be more reluctant to share his feelings with a woman.”
He said men tend to hold their feelings in because they are taught to be the strong ones. Though Dybdal said he has overcome his grief, he believes some people really never get over the loss.
He said his wife loved the Gulf of Mexico and loved roses. So when she died her ashes were scattered in the Gulf. “I still miss my wife but I’ve learned to live without her,” he said. “Still every year since she’s been gone me and my son go to the beach and sprinkle rose petals in the Gulf as a sort of memorial.”
Organization history
Through the years the Grief and Loss Center of Bay County, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization, and its trained volunteers, have helped hundreds of people on their grief journey.
It all began in 1991 when a small group of volunteers and some administrative helpers from AARP’s Widowed Persons Services decided this area needed a place for grief-stricken people to meet. Meetings were held in various churches until the group opened its first office in 1992. Florida First Bank provided free space to conduct business and house grief support meetings.
Though AARP helped organize the original group in 1991, it no longer has any connection financially or otherwise.
The 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization relies solely on donations, sponsors and fundraisers to maintain its facility and services. There are no paid staff members.
After two years, members purchased a centrally-located older single-story house that was in need of renovations. The new location made it more accessible to Bay and other county residents. The property already had mixed-use zoning and enough space for additional parking and room for expansion.
Via a variety of efforts, the group raised enough money to proceed with the renovations, but soon found itself in the midst of a contracting nightmare. Unbeknown to the group, the contractor was unlicensed and the job was shut down halfway through completion. All the money that had been raised for the project was gone.
The News Herald published an article describing the organization’s plight and soon afterward several local contracting companies pitched in to save the day, current board member, Robert Wilkos, explains. They saw the project through completion at no additional cost. At the time, Robert Wilkos was employed by one of the contracting companies that rescued the program. “It was through the generosity of the people in this community that the Grief and Loss Program’s building officially opened to the public in 2001,” Robert Wilkos states.
Robert Wilkos accepted a position on the organization’s board a little more than one year ago. “I have always believed in the group’s core mission: “to support and encourage persons who are grieving the death of loved ones or other life transitions as they journey into a renewed life of purpose and fulfillment,” Wilkos remarks. “I’ve always admired these hard-working volunteers and respected their commitment to this community as well as the grief-stricken souls who they help.”
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Pearl Lamonica Grief Center of Bay County
- 144 Grace Ave., Panama City
- (850) 763-2681 (24-hour support line)
- web: www.knology.net/~wpsemeraldcoast; email: wpspanamacity@knology.net
- Grief and Loss Support Groups meet in the building on Grace Avenue at 1 p.m. on Tuesdays; at 10 a.m. on Thursdays
- Monthly newsletter available upon request.
- 24-hour grief support: For grief support evenings and weekends call Jenna MacMonigal at 890-2899 or contact her atjenna.mac229@gmail.com [/box]
By Diane Mercado