Eight is Enough

BY TIFFANI HINDS; PHOTOS BY SARAH SHIPES

I’ll never forget the night our life changed. It was the night our household increased from a manageable home with three children to a somewhat overwhelming one with six children in the family. The phone rang in the middle of the night, waking me from a deep sleep. I answered and the call and it went something like this…

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Foster Care Placement Unit: Mrs . Hinds, we have a sibling group of three. They need a temporary home.

Me (to my husband, Paul): Paul, placement has three kids.

Paul (still mostly asleep): NO!

Placement: Yours is the only home with enough beds, otherwise we will have to separate the siblings. There are not any available foster homes in our area, so they will each be in a different county.

Me: Paul, they’re going to split the kids up if we don’t take them!

Paul: NO!

Me (to placement): Give me some more information.

Placement: They are four years old, three years old and 15 months old.

Me: We don’t have enough car seats.

Placement: We will give car seats if you agree to take them.

Me: Paul, they will give us car seats.

Paul: NO!

Placement: It’s only temporary. We are in the process of doing background checks and home inspection on a family member.

Me: Paul, It’s only temporary.

Paul: That’s what they always say! NO!

Me (to placement): We have a vacation planned for the entire month of August. We’ve already made arrangements and can’t add more kids to our plans.

Placement: No problem, if you still have them in August, we will guarantee respite care for these three children.

Me: Paul, they guarantee respite during our vacation.

Paul (mumbling, trying to sleep): You know it will never happen! NO!

Me (to placement): Ok, we’ll take them. What time will you be here?

The next morning, while Paul was flipping pancakes on the griddle, I heard him muttering to himself, “I can’t believe I said yes to this! What was I thinking?” I didn’t tell him until at least a year later…he had never said yes. By then it was too late, we were both already in love with the kids we now call our own. In addition, shortly after that phone call, a seventh child rejoined our family. And today…eight is enough!

While Paul was making a double batch of his pancakes and bacon, I had the kids lined up on the staircase, one on each stair, explaining the house rules. We now had six children between the ages of 15 months to five years old. Later that day, while we were spending the holiday weekend swimming at a nearby lake, Paul overheard one of our new family members making friends with a girl close by. The girl asked, “Are those your parents?” Our newest child stated, “I’m not really sure who these people are. Someone came and got me from my mom in the middle of the night and now I’m here with them and their other kids.” The little girl quickly looked at me in fear and stuck pretty close to her own family for the rest of the day at the lake. This was not the first time that one of our kids would say something that would indicate we were not a traditional family.

Let me start at the very beginning. We were diagnosed as infertile but had the dream of having a large family. I was previously married, but after five-years and several miscarriages, the marriage was not able to survive the stress of a shaky foundation. A friend asked me to join in helping a group of her friends move. That is the day I first met Paul . He fell in love with me at first sight among the unpacking of pots and pans. We went on our first date several weeks after meeting and when he went home to Miami for Christmas, told his mom he had met the girl he was going to marry. We were married in August 2003, nine months after we met. We both wanted children and began the process of becoming licensed foster parents. We received our license on our first anniversary.

Our first child, a 10-month-old, was delivered to us on the same day we became licensed foster parents. Nine-months later, we received custody of a group of three siblings. They were four-years-old, three-years-old and 15-months-old. And then, exactly one-year after that (I remember because it was Memorial Day weekend) we received the phone call asking us to accept another sibling group of three, making us the custodians of a total of seven kids by the end of 2006.

Over the course of our five years as foster parents, we cared for a total of 20 kids. When the time came that the first child we received custody of was given back to the care of his biological mother, shortly before his third birthday and a week before we got the second sibling group, I thought I would die from the grief of losing him. But, after several months, the mother decided she could not handle a child with his disability of autism and we were able to adopt him privately after she contacted us to ask if we wanted custody.

As it was, we had to obtain a waiver from the Department of Children and Families for one of the children because, generally, there is a limit of five children in a home at one time.

Our oldest child, Brittani, is now 14-years-old, Jessica is 13, Leah-Marie is 13, Katie is 12, Hunter is 11, Jonathan is 11, and Christopher is 10-years-old. After 16-years of infertility we were unexpectedly blessed with a biological child in October of 2013. Benjamin is 18-months-old now.

As a family of ten, we get a lot of attention. As a mom of eight kids, here is what I want to let the public know:

• Most importantly, even though adopted, these ARE OUR OWN children. We do not love our seven adopted children any differently or less than our one biological child.
• Paul and I are not super heroes. We are just normal people who wanted kids (and one of us obviously couldn’t say “NO!” to more and more and more)! These kids saved us just as much as we saved them!
• We usually dress the kids alike because it is so much easier to find them in crowded places and to keep up with laundry that way.
• When you see us in public and we can tell you are very interested in this large group that is obviously a family (because the kids are all dressed alike), we are not intentionally being rude when we avoid eye contact with you. We really just want to finish our activity and go back home. Plus, it’s hard to keep track of that many kids, especially when they see mom and dad are paying attention to something besides them.
• When you see us at the local supermarket and the kids are walking quietly in a line, not touching or asking for anything, please do not stop us and ask how we do it. It’s called bribery. They know we are going to stop by the bakery and get each of them a cookie if they behave.
• When you see us in a home improvement store or anywhere else and the kids are being monsters, please don’t judge. Pray for us instead . And don’t forget… in just a few years we are going to have seven teenagers, all at once. We need as many prayers as we can get.
• Yes, our vehicle looks like a church bus, and no, there is still not enough room for all of us and our stuff when we go on vacation or to the grocery store.
• And finally, what everyone always wants to know… How do we do it? I don’t really have an answer for you. We just do . It’s our way of life . We have high expectations of the children and they each have daily chores. I’m extremely organized . Paul is exceptionally patient. I work behind the scenes to make things run smoothly, while he is the primary caregiver. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and we work really well together as a team . Some days we win and some days we lose  We all love each other though, and at the end of the day, that’s all that truly matters.

Author’s Note: If you are interested in becoming a foster parent, or offering any service or benefit to children in foster care, please contact Life Management Center of Northwest Florida at (850) 522-4485.